Friday, March 30, 2012

Understanding Your Tax Refund


After filing their personal tax returns by April 30th, many Canadians will receive a tax refund. This is indeed a very exciting time, and I'll explain it in a Q & A format:

Q. What is a tax refund payment?
A. It’s money that the federal government will return to taxpayers who have overpaid on their income tax.

Q.. Where will the government get this money?
A. They already have it.

Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?
A. Only a smidgen of it.

Q. What should I do with my refund?
A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.

Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China?
A. Shut up.

Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the Canadian economy by spending your tax refund wisely:

* If you spend the money at Wal-Mart, the money will go to China or Sri Lanka.
* If you spend it on gasoline, your money will go to Albertans or Arabs.
* If you purchase a computer, it will go to India, Taiwan or China .
* If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico, Honduras and Guatemala.
* If you buy an efficient car, it will go to Japan or Korea..
* If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan.
* If you pay your credit cards off, or buy stock, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.

Instead, keep the money in Canada by:
1) Spending it at yard sales, or
2) Going to hockey games, or
3) Spending it on prostitutes, or
4) Beer or
5) Tattoos.
(These are the only “truly” Canadian businesses still operating)

Conclusion: Go to a hockey game with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a yard sale and drink beer all day!

4 comments:

  1. What! You can't use the money to buy yourself any good Canadian pot?! I'll bet you caaaaaan.

    ReplyDelete
  2. That's great! As Stephen Colbert would say, there's so much "truthiness" here!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Demeur, thanks.
    Snowbrush, shhhh. People will hear you.
    Guardian, maybe too much truthiness.

    ReplyDelete